iquitos

iquitos.
1st: IQUITOS
first few days in iquitos was very comfusing. over 100s of lodge and 100s of fake shamans. The place is zooming with moto-Cars and people with intension of getting quick money from you. The place itself is run down, the buildings still remind us the the rubber boom days. Across the river, I saw the jungle and mighty river.
Like many others, first thing I wanted to do is to get out of here. Away from this ugly place. I op for a jungle camping with a half indian guide.

Second: THE JUNGLE
Boat trip later, I arrived in a lodge on the bank of amazon river. The whole mighty she is. Wide and powerful. Within those mud looking river, there are fish might still be unknow to man. the guide, asuka prepare the canoon and food with very limited camping gear. Off we go, paddling into across the mighty river, into the jungle.
The jungle is as beautiful as they say. color of flowers I never see before. thousands of bird fly across our head. in the rain season, water cover large area of the forest. People live in the jungle lives a simple life. Without motorcar. not far I can hear chainsaw. I knew we not far from people  building more lodge for the tourist. Everywhere we look, there is life. birds, fish and insects. I can just feel the forest. I ask the forest spirit to show herself to me.
when dusk came, deeper into the forest, we pick a dry ground under a big tree. it took a while to set up plastic tarb mosquito net and just mattress. It rained very hard. we got pretty wet. Ashua and I share sleeping space. we went to bed without dinner.
when night come the jungle comes into life. insert, birds and animal. In the dark we cant see anything, but we can hear every single drop of water hit the river around us. I fall asleep in the jungle garden. It somehow every peaceful. I had a dream. in my dream,there was two big black jaguar jumped on my mosquito net. they didnt bite me, and i wasnt scared. Not long after I wake up saw my guide sitting next to me, looking into the dark. That was weired, I thought, what is he doing. after few minutes, I tap on his shoulder. then he turn around and point into the dark. 'big animal, dos' he said to me. I can hear foot step around us, but its so dark, I cant see. It was the forest spirit I thought. it came to visit me. soon after we heard large spash into the water, they were gone. I ask ashuka does this happen often. He said never. I ask him if he is scared, he replied yes. he told me he saw black shadow, there were something big. and they were right next to us, less than half meter. he told me they were sniffing us. I told him those are forest spirit, they wont hurt us. ashuca went back to sleep, but I cant. I wanted to pee. but I was too scared to step out of the mozi net.
The night was long.....

third. FAKE SHAMAN CAMP
I arrived at km15 with juan (the man to go, if u need anything in iquitos). The house is run by alan sheomaker who claim to be a shaman. he charged me accommodation upfront. when I arrived in the house, the house is dirty. with 2 cats and a lovely dog. The live in shamon looked lovely, but he was too busy trying to get into a female guest pants. The house lived me, aaron, fria and the shaman. fria is the super selfish girl who is closed to the world. She had no idea about love. She just took and took. She had hips of junk with her (two bag full). She is beautifully outside. but inside there is something wrong. She is very defensive about the world around her. Aaron is a lovely lad. He is open hearted and understanding. He felt weak and unsure about the world around him. After spend 2 days with him. I was puzzled. I thought people who drunk ayahusaca would be completely different people. People in that house needed healing. And it wasnt done.

3 days later I had my seond ceremony.

my second ayhuasca was different from the first one. my spirt was crossing the boarderies of human and spirit world where I turn around and refuse to go with them. eyes open and close made no difference on my view of the world. it was like a bomb being dropped on me. first time crossing was a frightening experience where is so much happening. I wondering who was 2 spirts who invite me. my body was burning. and soon I had no body. it was just me in ths spirt form. when I say ' na wu ar me to fou' to the spirts. they left me. first time enter the spirt world was confusing.
when they left I was in this garden of eve. a garden puchamama created for us. it was so beautiful. everything in this rain forest garden was alive. all the trees and its creature. I was part of the garden. I said: I AM sorry. we are sorry. then she overwhelme me with love and her garden. I felt happy and safe like a child in her space of love. she told me its all ok and she loves us much like her children. I could have felt her compassion with much kindness.
as fast as everything came. it all disappeared quickly.
she with her love. provided us with the most beautiful garden with unconditional love. and we blindly take it for granted and destroy it in the process.

whatever Josay the shaman give to me, it wasnt the ayahusaca I knew. It didnt have a lasting effect of connection to the universe when I wake up. The brew is off. I knew something wasnt right.

For the next 3 days I try to tell aaron but he wont listen. I moved out of the house. The energy there is killing me. 2 weeks later I was told now fia is sleeping in the shamans room......

4th
after return to iquito. I met nickla in my room of the hostel. lovely italian boy who had a infection on his arm. Nickla telling me he is going to drink with a shaman that night. I told him there are so many fake ones. Care need to be taken. He ensure me its ok. There is something about him felt right. I ask if I can come along.
3 hour travel into the jungle by boat. On the boat he told me about the way he lived. How he quit this high pay job,
now live in a wood tiny house on wheels. He told me his view on the world. I straight way connect to him because I knew how he feel.
This healing camp is run by local shaman. camped lived 3 old geman lady, 2 younger ones from gemany and India. The camp was very basic. But it had a good energy. There is no noise of car or boat. Just the forest around us. Shamon look like in his 60s. But very strong. He look like nothing like the shaman in town with their expensive motobike. He asked for very little for his ceremony. His ayahusaca was earthy with tint of sweetness. it wasnt strong (possibly because I eat all day). But it was ayahusaca alright. It showed me how i can be mat(my parnter) forever if I wanted be with him. I have to be in him. be one with him. san pedro the shaman is very powerful. this is the ayahusaca I knew. It felt quite painful. I wakeup floating and connected again.

5th. avoided witchcraft
Return to hostel waiting for my next day flight. I met tiya who stay up in my room. She is telling me the story how she is bring ayahusaca into USA and she met pa very powerful shaman who combine her with her heavenly star. She had powerful eyes. She told me the shaman wanted combine their power by physical sex, and he already have one wife and one girlfriend.He stood her up for 2 days. I saw that she was in love. She convince me to drink with this shaman. I said ok. I rushed around changed my flight. second day she show me a video of him holding his grandfathers skeleton. He was fat in his 40s and smoked non stop. Greatly different from all shaman I knew. I had bad feeling about him. Decided to google him. He is famous alright. From people claim he is a con man to a witch craft doctor. Bad energy surrounded him. I smelled power and greed.
I decided to tell tiya. He is too dark to my liking, She tell me dark and light goes hand in hand. I said, I am not looking for power as it corrupts ones heart. and there is no way I will ever drink with this shaman. She left on 3rd day back to her love in the jungle. The day she left I felt energy been sucked out of me, I felt really weak. I slept for 30 hours. i thought, i have malaria. my stool was red and my eye was blood red in the middle of the night. wtf I thought. it must be malaria from the camping. I went to a doc and he give me some anti malaria drug. I also eat 2 galic. I deleted all the information of her shaman and her on facebook. 2nd day I felt better. 'flu malaria or black magic.' I dont really know.

end
I wondered about black jaguar in my dreams. So I googled it. A book popped up call the time of black jaguar. it speaks my heart. This particular shaman lives in new maxico USA. Maybe that is where I am heading in may.

Next few days, people came and go from the hostel. Few interesting charactor and people. iquitos is full of weired and wonderful. Either people who is seeking healing or healer seeking master.

I am here too, with all the weirdo. I am in search of change, a way to save myself and world around me. The only way we safe our mother earth is to heal her children.