Journy

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful commited people can change the world, indeed it is the only thing that ever had - margret mead
Change it is. Ever since 13 years old, I was memrized by books written by shan mao. A famous chinese writer who travel all over the world. From her book. South america stuck in my head, specially peru. A seed was planeted. It took another 19 years to grow. Stories of peru!
Chapter 0
first time in cusco, how exciting, a childhood dream comes true. Macho pichco- standarding on top of the hill, over look the temple. My body was shevving. Even for someone like me who is logical and less of spirial. I can feel something is in the air. for me and my travel companion, this is our first time oversea trips. History and curtual overwhelme me. A mystical place where virgin girls get sacrificed to the god. We run around the temple like kids. Check out all the dead-ends. The hanging bridge. Then we saw the 7 fonton right in the middle of the temple. Lets get some water: one of us suggested. We bottle the water from the first fonton. Steal secret water from a foreign reglion from a accent temple? I thought: I will exchange part of me to this montain for the water. Maybe that way we wont get punished.

That night we checked into the hotel in aguas Caliente,  lying there just before bed. We both felt something. Its a power inside of my body. It like the warmth of the sun. I am lying there thinking: What is this? We asked each other. Dumb founded. The power surge last for 5 mins and start and stopped at same time for both me and my companion. Ever in my life I have experienced anything remotely close. And I ve never experienced that since that day. That night my dream was fill with rocks from the montain. We wakeup in the morning, brought coca leace and nuts. Went to the hill made a sacrifice ceremony for the montain and river. (now I understand the erengy we felt ws the power of the apu. macchu pichu)

Chapter 2
2 weeks later, back to work. Doing pipeline inspection in the middle of no where. The place I work is near remote chinchilla in queensland australia. I drive 100k each day to check gas pipeline which is contract to aribs. It was 42 degrees. Ar condition was broken in the car. Air is thick. Everything slowed down and melting down. I decided day like this everyone need a drink of beers.  At my request, my supervisor said ok for me to get beers from town. I brought a carton of coppers, as I walking out the liquor shop. Walk pass me is arib construction boss. Oh shit. What does the arib want from a liquor shop. I thought their religion forbid to drink. I quicky jumped into the hot car and speed off. Later I heard the arib boss was sreaming in his office saw me buying beer at work hour. What done is done I thought to myself. What luck I had. For someone who havent buy drink in 6 months. Caught by head of construction boss. 1 months later, I was removed with no reason. My own boss was apologizing for the remove. Primising putting me a different and better project. Thanks god, it ended my dealing with aribs. Very different working cutural indeed. Every week someone get remove from the camp, from constructin line manager to trade assistance. I dont need to please the aribs and dealing with horrible welding inspectors anymore. neverles i was angry from the removal. I was angry with my own company who didnt stand up for me. I felt I didnt do anything wrong.
Things happen for a reason. If I didnt buy beer at and bop into highest project boss. Following two year of my life wont had happened. Sometimes whats bad is not so bad afterall
Chapter 3
Angry and upset, I brought a ticket to chile without telling my boss or my parents. Sitting at airport, I felt lost and confused about my goal of the trip. Bus from chile to peru. Help by lots of lovely local. I end up in cusco again, I enroll my self into a language school for spanish and live in a homestay. Homestay mom isnt much older than me, 3 bueatiful girls age between 3 to 15. house is very small. 3 bedrooms. the student pay 200 dollars for food and boarding, but mom only gets 100. I stay in one of older girls room. and another boy from mebourne stay in another room. he is from australia but maybe mix with indian blood. 3 girl and mum stay in the room on the same bed. dad of the children works away, as far as spain to support the family. everytime mum and kids talked about dad, I felt bit of sadness. school went on for 2 weeks and I kept get sick. one day the melbourne boy matthew came to me. he asked: I am going to a place tonight and drink this brew. would you like to come, they needed 2 person min. I said: I DONT BELIEVE IN DRUGS. next morning, he walked into the door and came in to say hi. He looked different, something changed in him. he felt better for me, felt like a different person. He didnt go in detail on what happened. he said he wish the feeling he has now can last forever. I was amazed. how could it be? one night, different person. a better person? I wanted to try. The ceremony only take place once a week dring quiet season. so I booked myself in after reseach on the brew: ayahuasca.

almost end of my 2015 peru

sitting in hostel in guayaquil. I cant help but to reflect my past 2 and half months. I havent been doing much last 4 days but sitting and thinking. Many will question my way of travel by not being movitivated and seeking advanture as holiday should have been. For me time of reflection and understand what has happen is more important to me.
In short time, I travel to mexico valley where pollution is as bad as shanghai in winter to hot low land amozon forest in iquitos, to cloud forest in oxapampa, to andes of Cusco, to gate way to another world-huancabamba, to desert beach and desert civilization. I have seen heavey, hell and earth in between. I have met wonderful and strangest people who live and bread the same air and share the same planet with me.
I saw the simple living of people in amozon, I saw extreamly hard working people in mexico, I saw witch-like woman to sick old geman ladies. I saw people entrap themselves in the world. i met wonderful street kid. I saw floating disco in poorest area of iqutios with saw mill house next door. I talked with mother earth. She send me guardian of her garden. I cried and I laughed.
I am yet fully understand what I saw and what is happening to all those things around me. I am yet make sense of this universe and what it communicated to me.
In the forest of iqutios, I saw myself melting away, bit by bit into emptiness where nothing exist. I paniced seeing myself disappeared. Then felt complete claim afterward. My question was how can I live in a world that is so wrong. Ayahusaca told me the answer I am looking for is up north. With 3 weeks more to go, will I find it? I had most wonderful birthday party with spirits in the valley of the incas. We sing and chanted for all life on earth which included mine.
Sitting on top of the machu picchu, I praied to sun god and spirit of the earth just like inca did before me. I saw dancing cloud, most wonderful butterfly. I saw montain and wind laugh at us human who rushes around keep in time. For the universe, time is limitness.
How we live is how we proceve our future. We creat the world we live in for better and worse. Often there is a need to stand back and look behide for what we have done. How world is changing, dont let it change us, we can changes the world. 
I learned for 300 dollars I can save a little bit of forest. I learned how forest being clear for cocao and coffee. There is so many things in this world doesnt make sense. The most one will be gold. A metal is valuable yet valueless. You cant eat it, drink it but yet you can buy anything with it. Over hundreds of years, peoples life been destoried because of it. It contribute to destrection of forest and rivier. We destroy life on earth because of it. The concept of been poor or rich.
I cant imaging how I could too lived this life blind. Work a 9 to 5 job that destroys my soul. Being old and sick unable to see things for what they are. That is one life going wasted.
God bless me. For many years to come.
most amazing thing I saw on the trip
1. jaguar in deep forest
2. mother earth garden of eve
3. celebration of my birthday in secret valley
4. butterfly in temple of sun
5. bt
pllpppppllllllllpppppoooooooooooo

mexico city

FRIDAY, 30 JANUARY 2015
mexico city
3 days in mexico city. still suffering from jet lag and birthday party. before I arrive here, I knew 2 mexican. from what I know which is very little of this land far far away. same same different. it remind me of shanghai in 90s. new generation of young people who is well educated. luxury and metropolitan area full of protuct from around the world. People are open but still have their old value. city with population more than shanghai. 26 million all live here. 3 side of the city is surrounded by vocanic montain and city is builded on dry lake.

Being in mexico is very confusing. from the lost accent people to people in search of identity. so much they want to white europeans. whiter skin is temp to be higher class. there is a under layer of rasism. who are the mexicans? they are deccentant of great mostly dead civilization. they builded great monuments when most europe still hunter and gethers. They are group of hard works. They carry the warmness of indians. They are not europeans and should never think themsleves any less than other races. In search of art and curtual mexicans is like a lost child. the truth is if they look within, they are child of central America. Deccentant of great and wonderful.

A lost child. lost in city of american style capticlism. Just like many other city, kfc, Starbucks, cloths from china. The modern civilization of mexico shouldnt be just be another city of weastern world. bye bye mexico. Your people are amount the one of those sweetest and kindest in the world. just wish you all wear big hat like old days.

In memories of my friends

Tonsai, life is beautiful and free. Here I met Lela. Marc and dj. Dj and Lela are from America. Dj look rough and strong, a pro-climber. We met few times around but never talked much. One day I felt lonely at tonsai. I walked pass her and she ask if I was climbing today. I said I had no one to climb with. She invited me to her party. Dj induced me to the group. She had short hair and always wears singlet and fish-mans pants. She walk and talk like boys. She told me that she fall in love with someone in tonsai 6 months ago. But he left her and now she is a bit bitter. She smoke (weed) a lot. We went for a climb as a group. And she is the Alpher female. That night we the group went to the local hippy bar. We drink chai-Indian style and few of us had some hippy cookie. Dj had one all by herself. We were both stoned. Lay next to each other and starring at the ceiling fan. The group chatted away. The Spanish boys talked in Spanish and while I was trying to make sense of the conversation. With dj, I felt sad and unhappiness from her. Bit of anger (not sure towards what). She is closed to people (maybe just girls). Beneath all the toughness. She is as soft as cloud in the sky. I believe she is jealous of other girls at times. Pretty girls in tonsai gets a lot of boys attention. Dj don't look feminine with her styling. I believe dj was pretty in her way. Who needs boys attention anyway. The darkness of her pervious relationship shadow over everything-including her prettiness. 

Marc:

The shy one in the group. He look very hot physically. Very pleasant to look at. Marc is from a Spanish island who now work at Malaysia as diving instructor. He is tall, dark eyes and brown hair. We didn't take notice of him because he is quiet. First I remember him is when he sit there quietly like me at party. Somewhat lonely all by himself. We only notice him when he took his shirt off. What a pervert we( Lela and I) were. Marc is 26 and don't have a lot of money. He is the best climber in our group. He also had a infected toe from wearing small shoes. One day Marc Lela and I trying to find a wall call monkey wall and we got bushed. Though the jungle and mud. We end up pass few cave and got bitten by lots mozi. Instant getting stressed about it. We laughed. Marc is very attentive always belays everyone. One day his foot got really bad. He decided to patch his shorts toplessly. We can't keep our eyes off him. It was so cute. A sensitive guy (not my type) but never-less very cute. One day Lela and I got him drunk. We went for a naked swim in the dark. 4 girls. Marc was too scared and run away.  Lela took him to her room that night. They had a good time. One night we were sitting there and talk about our partners(after Lela left). Marc cried and walked into the rain alone. He is sad because his gf got a volunteer job off at Fiji island and he is too poor to go visit. He misses her. He got current job try to be close to her. The job pays almost nothing. I kept Marc company until last day in Thailand. Feel the need to look after him. 

Lela-my American sister. She is always laughing. I didn't know I was funny. Never a bad day with Lela. We go kayaking, climbing, swimming and drinking. We enjoyed each others company. Our pass time always involved preventing over Marc. We laughed a lot. At everything and ourselves. Lying down at rock cliff. Watching lighting, eating dinner and telling the story of poo. She is very well travelled. Lived in Korean. Been to many places. . . I wish we could have travel more together. 

 

Bali

Bali is not what I thought it will be like. It's way bigger. People are big surprise. From the beach to the hill. It has most tourist want here. The lake in the middle of the hill. The beach with prefect wave. The Vegan food. The wave is surfers dream. Party is great in kuta. The surf lesson went very well with the instructor. The massage course is decent. You can learn all kind of massage here with different type of traditional spa wraps. Cheapest price in the world. Ubud is another lovely spot with things every trendy  person need. All kind of activity to do in ubud. The lakes in the hill is amazing. Temperature cools down. Rains more and forest in the hills. People here are Hindu. Temple in every village and they pray almost everyday. 

Stirling castle - Scotland

Center of old highland power. Intermarriage of kings and queens. Power money status war and death. We human learned very little from our short history of existence. The war museum - showed early war to the modern battle. Different method over centuries we make up different way of killing each other. Kings forge their castle on the top of the hill. Surrendered by cliff and river. Still that can't protect them from death. We build castle wall between human. In fact, we have changed a little over the years. Still killing, humans and animal. Europe's history always cover by a shadow of darkness. 

Mat found his armor

Oxapampa peru cloud forest

Oxapampa.
A charming peru town surrounded by montains. It has a different feel to rest of country when shops are stocked with cheese and chocolate. The town proves to me, it people's way of thinking determind outcome of their life.

I could have a butterfly farm and produce good chocolate and honey product. I could have happy herb shop in ubud bali. And a block of land near the national forest. All dreams are possible to those who dare to dream. After all a group of 160 Gemans founded this place over 100 years ago. Travel by sea and land. Over the andes and into the cloud forest.

Place call cds at the workaway in oxapampa, under the magic hill of the forest. It rains a lot. The whole place felt like a beautiful lady. She is young, beautiful and magistical. Every night I sleep with the sound of rain and passing river and wake up with birds sing. Batterfly sometimes come and land on my face. Different type of insects shows off their shapes and color. This place just like what was in my dream. There is so much I need to do.
Trip to cusco is a must. Go back to where it all began. Half way with my trip, I still yet to find what I come for. peru, a place full of wonder and magic. possibility of entering another realm. talking to spirt of planets and animal. Awaken the spirt within.
My healing center lays in water. The most basic but taken for granted. It can heal not only me but my father.
Talk to my boyfriend this morning, he is frustrated and he misses me from far. We yet share our dreams. But it will come I hope. lots need to be discussed.

iquitos

iquitos.
1st: IQUITOS
first few days in iquitos was very comfusing. over 100s of lodge and 100s of fake shamans. The place is zooming with moto-Cars and people with intension of getting quick money from you. The place itself is run down, the buildings still remind us the the rubber boom days. Across the river, I saw the jungle and mighty river.
Like many others, first thing I wanted to do is to get out of here. Away from this ugly place. I op for a jungle camping with a half indian guide.

Second: THE JUNGLE
Boat trip later, I arrived in a lodge on the bank of amazon river. The whole mighty she is. Wide and powerful. Within those mud looking river, there are fish might still be unknow to man. the guide, asuka prepare the canoon and food with very limited camping gear. Off we go, paddling into across the mighty river, into the jungle.
The jungle is as beautiful as they say. color of flowers I never see before. thousands of bird fly across our head. in the rain season, water cover large area of the forest. People live in the jungle lives a simple life. Without motorcar. not far I can hear chainsaw. I knew we not far from people  building more lodge for the tourist. Everywhere we look, there is life. birds, fish and insects. I can just feel the forest. I ask the forest spirit to show herself to me.
when dusk came, deeper into the forest, we pick a dry ground under a big tree. it took a while to set up plastic tarb mosquito net and just mattress. It rained very hard. we got pretty wet. Ashua and I share sleeping space. we went to bed without dinner.
when night come the jungle comes into life. insert, birds and animal. In the dark we cant see anything, but we can hear every single drop of water hit the river around us. I fall asleep in the jungle garden. It somehow every peaceful. I had a dream. in my dream,there was two big black jaguar jumped on my mosquito net. they didnt bite me, and i wasnt scared. Not long after I wake up saw my guide sitting next to me, looking into the dark. That was weired, I thought, what is he doing. after few minutes, I tap on his shoulder. then he turn around and point into the dark. 'big animal, dos' he said to me. I can hear foot step around us, but its so dark, I cant see. It was the forest spirit I thought. it came to visit me. soon after we heard large spash into the water, they were gone. I ask ashuka does this happen often. He said never. I ask him if he is scared, he replied yes. he told me he saw black shadow, there were something big. and they were right next to us, less than half meter. he told me they were sniffing us. I told him those are forest spirit, they wont hurt us. ashuca went back to sleep, but I cant. I wanted to pee. but I was too scared to step out of the mozi net.
The night was long.....

third. FAKE SHAMAN CAMP
I arrived at km15 with juan (the man to go, if u need anything in iquitos). The house is run by alan sheomaker who claim to be a shaman. he charged me accommodation upfront. when I arrived in the house, the house is dirty. with 2 cats and a lovely dog. The live in shamon looked lovely, but he was too busy trying to get into a female guest pants. The house lived me, aaron, fria and the shaman. fria is the super selfish girl who is closed to the world. She had no idea about love. She just took and took. She had hips of junk with her (two bag full). She is beautifully outside. but inside there is something wrong. She is very defensive about the world around her. Aaron is a lovely lad. He is open hearted and understanding. He felt weak and unsure about the world around him. After spend 2 days with him. I was puzzled. I thought people who drunk ayahusaca would be completely different people. People in that house needed healing. And it wasnt done.

3 days later I had my seond ceremony.

my second ayhuasca was different from the first one. my spirt was crossing the boarderies of human and spirit world where I turn around and refuse to go with them. eyes open and close made no difference on my view of the world. it was like a bomb being dropped on me. first time crossing was a frightening experience where is so much happening. I wondering who was 2 spirts who invite me. my body was burning. and soon I had no body. it was just me in ths spirt form. when I say ' na wu ar me to fou' to the spirts. they left me. first time enter the spirt world was confusing.
when they left I was in this garden of eve. a garden puchamama created for us. it was so beautiful. everything in this rain forest garden was alive. all the trees and its creature. I was part of the garden. I said: I AM sorry. we are sorry. then she overwhelme me with love and her garden. I felt happy and safe like a child in her space of love. she told me its all ok and she loves us much like her children. I could have felt her compassion with much kindness.
as fast as everything came. it all disappeared quickly.
she with her love. provided us with the most beautiful garden with unconditional love. and we blindly take it for granted and destroy it in the process.

whatever Josay the shaman give to me, it wasnt the ayahusaca I knew. It didnt have a lasting effect of connection to the universe when I wake up. The brew is off. I knew something wasnt right.

For the next 3 days I try to tell aaron but he wont listen. I moved out of the house. The energy there is killing me. 2 weeks later I was told now fia is sleeping in the shamans room......

4th
after return to iquito. I met nickla in my room of the hostel. lovely italian boy who had a infection on his arm. Nickla telling me he is going to drink with a shaman that night. I told him there are so many fake ones. Care need to be taken. He ensure me its ok. There is something about him felt right. I ask if I can come along.
3 hour travel into the jungle by boat. On the boat he told me about the way he lived. How he quit this high pay job,
now live in a wood tiny house on wheels. He told me his view on the world. I straight way connect to him because I knew how he feel.
This healing camp is run by local shaman. camped lived 3 old geman lady, 2 younger ones from gemany and India. The camp was very basic. But it had a good energy. There is no noise of car or boat. Just the forest around us. Shamon look like in his 60s. But very strong. He look like nothing like the shaman in town with their expensive motobike. He asked for very little for his ceremony. His ayahusaca was earthy with tint of sweetness. it wasnt strong (possibly because I eat all day). But it was ayahusaca alright. It showed me how i can be mat(my parnter) forever if I wanted be with him. I have to be in him. be one with him. san pedro the shaman is very powerful. this is the ayahusaca I knew. It felt quite painful. I wakeup floating and connected again.

5th. avoided witchcraft
Return to hostel waiting for my next day flight. I met tiya who stay up in my room. She is telling me the story how she is bring ayahusaca into USA and she met pa very powerful shaman who combine her with her heavenly star. She had powerful eyes. She told me the shaman wanted combine their power by physical sex, and he already have one wife and one girlfriend.He stood her up for 2 days. I saw that she was in love. She convince me to drink with this shaman. I said ok. I rushed around changed my flight. second day she show me a video of him holding his grandfathers skeleton. He was fat in his 40s and smoked non stop. Greatly different from all shaman I knew. I had bad feeling about him. Decided to google him. He is famous alright. From people claim he is a con man to a witch craft doctor. Bad energy surrounded him. I smelled power and greed.
I decided to tell tiya. He is too dark to my liking, She tell me dark and light goes hand in hand. I said, I am not looking for power as it corrupts ones heart. and there is no way I will ever drink with this shaman. She left on 3rd day back to her love in the jungle. The day she left I felt energy been sucked out of me, I felt really weak. I slept for 30 hours. i thought, i have malaria. my stool was red and my eye was blood red in the middle of the night. wtf I thought. it must be malaria from the camping. I went to a doc and he give me some anti malaria drug. I also eat 2 galic. I deleted all the information of her shaman and her on facebook. 2nd day I felt better. 'flu malaria or black magic.' I dont really know.

end
I wondered about black jaguar in my dreams. So I googled it. A book popped up call the time of black jaguar. it speaks my heart. This particular shaman lives in new maxico USA. Maybe that is where I am heading in may.

Next few days, people came and go from the hostel. Few interesting charactor and people. iquitos is full of weired and wonderful. Either people who is seeking healing or healer seeking master.

I am here too, with all the weirdo. I am in search of change, a way to save myself and world around me. The only way we safe our mother earth is to heal her children.

Drunken thoughts

Reading the lonely planet guide to Peru. Can't help wondering what happened to the civilization lived there. Everything has a start and end and all it left is dust in the wind. What was life like back then. The land still has its magic power. The story is lost? Short lives and short sighted as humans are. What will be remind of our civilization. How long would our concrete  jungle work for us?   Maybe the knowledge of existence hold within mystical power of Mother Earth.  I thought I wanted a web business and ayahuasca retreat in Asia. However I find hard to imaging. Would I ever guide people for their spiral awaking? To believe to imaging my ability of healing the earth and creature on it? What will world be like? Like back to 70s. Without boxes rules and human believes. Is it a quest or revolution. All I needed is to believe. To believe the power of universe. To believe in myself. Camp will be near a most powerful APu in the world. A healing center somewhere in a Mongolian hut. Only the seeker will find. The true love of spiral awaking. It has to be with a powerful gods and under its protection. We will heal land and people within it. 

bali 2014 2015

first impression of bali. it was impressive. lots of different food. status of gods never seen anywhere else. ceremonies, gardens, surfing beach, forest, mountains and yoga heaven. no wonder people swamp here for the option of cheap food and drinks. took me a while to gasp the edge of their reglion. I dont know why, but baliness man felt sleazy.  its their eyes. The way they looking at you. I wondering if they see sex or money. its bit like salt and pepper, bit pervertness and bit greediness. no where else in the world I felt so disrespected. Very chance they get, they want to scan money out of unweriy tourist. from fake taxi to over charge shops. from food to transport. Its all about money. things is often 1000times over priced compare with its value. One can often understand another by their religion, family and social value and structure. Balinese religion is so mixed up. its value can be lost with endless obligation of ceremonies and control. I guess for average low wage is 100 dollar a month. Life can be unfair. Who doesnt like luxury. World have change much of the bali to a polluted tourist trap. During dec to feb. west coast beach is fill up with plastic and giant wood log size of me! People sunbathing in rubbish and swim with horrible plastic fish. paradise with a resort and parking lots. Please be ashamed live in expensive hotels. Be ashamed encourage company to build them. What has our world become. The pleasure of being in bali disappear second time. Our choice of travel style changes the world around us. We stay in central bali for a days near the lakes. the view is magical, forest track was a maze. 3 years ago when I first travelled I loved people and their history.  I loved culture and old artifacts reflect lives of people of past. I use to see beauty in those things. now I see ugliness. Ugliness of human history,  the coruption in most religion. Greediness in the art and object they create. 'I want to be rich so I may have many wives like the rich man in the village.' someone told me once in bali.  The church in peru. the castle in scotland, museum in london, boxing in thailand, beaches in bali, historical city of rome, cities of Spain, killing field of cambodia. More place I go, more history I learn, the less hope I have left for humanity. My heart bleed from place to place. murder, genicide, lust, jealous, greed, death, power, evil, war, destruction of what is truely valuble and beautiful for shinny gold and diamond.  Cutting down forest for large empty house we dont really need.
When I saw pretty cloth, I see the cotton farm, the factory, the pollution we create for looking good in fasion. when I see jewelry, I see the posioness lake and river. when I see large house, I see lost of land beneath it. when I see furniture,  I see destroyed forest(tree with lost soul). when I see plastic, I see death. when I see cars, I see dirty refinery I use to work in. when I see light at night, I see light pollution and power station. when I see tourist, I see ugly concrete resort with pool. So shopping become a pain for me and it hurts me to travel and eat meat. I dont want things and live the life style just because everyone is doing it. maybe most of is doing it wrong? My travel is no longer to see what the world is like. its never about drink and party. now my travel to search for a ulternative living, not just for me, but for all of us. seeking a way to wake the world up with the help of mother earth. wish me luck my friend. My path isnt clear. But god will lead me there. This god of mine whoever he is has always show me the way. may the force be with me.